I Am A Fallen Leaf


I am a leaf laying on the ground beneath a luxurious maple tree, the branches hanging over me like a protective barrier in hues of various stages of brilliant golds and reds.  It is shedding its leaves baring its branches and in a matter of a few more weeks or even days, it will stand naked before the eyes of whoever passes by.

Some of the maple tree’s branches reach up above the houses while others stretch wide, and still, others hover towards the ground as though trying to capture the leaves on the ground to cover itself up with.

I am sitting here this morning trying to accomplish something, anything, but the more I try to get things straight in my head, the more my thoughts scatter around like leaves blowing around in a fall wind.

I cannot think this morning.  I recognize this state of mind and all I can do is acquiesce to the meanderings of my thoughts.  As I often do through my fingers, I am writing to see if somehow through the written word, I can line up my thoughts so that I can get something done today.

As I sit here and read the last sentence that I wrote, I realize that this is pointless.  I can’t line up my thoughts no more than I can line up the fallen leaves of the maple tree.  The only thing I can do is allow my thoughts to scatter around in a dance of pure joy.  I need to give in to this state of mind and make beautiful things through my fingers.  After all, there are no rules in a disembodied brain.



Chaotic Week

pain-measurement-scaleIt has been a crazy week in this life of a gal with Multiple Sclerosis.

The right leg is giving me such pain that I wish I could find an orthopedic store where I could swap out the leg for a painless one.  It gives me constant pain, and in particular, intensified pain when I sit down on a hard surface.  I can barely sit still.  I must look like I need to use the restroom when I sit and jiggle around.

I had a lovely, what I call “beebop” day with a dear friend of mine.  However, I did the jiggling dance on my chair when we went to a restaurant for lunch.  I don’t know if she noticed it, but I couldn’t get done with lunch fast enough so that I could stand up.  Unfortunately, at least in the pain department, this is not the nature of our friendship to get up and go immediately after eating.  Don’t get me wrong, I loved being there with her, but I would have preferred talking while standing.

I’m not sure why I have such intense pain in this leg.  I had this pain in my left leg a while back but when I had surgery in my lower back recently, it went away.  Perhaps the pain decided that it would revisit me in my right leg?  Does pain have intent?

Change of topic because I don’t like focusing on pain.

chaosMy husband and I decided to move rooms around.  In other words, move the office into another room, make room for my oil painting projects, redefine another room where I compose and record music,  and  dedicate another room for my knitting stuff.

Do we have a large house?  No.  We have a normal size house and the problem that I have is that I do so many things, that I need space for the things needed to do these things.  (Crazy sentence).

We are talking about making the dining room disappear since we never use it for that, using the en suite for sleeping and storing my knitting stuff, and taking the office, where I also do my composing of music and my art work, change it about moving some things in and some things out.

Okay sure.  Chaos ensued.  Why?  Because while my husband was away at work, I decided to get the ball rolling.  Little did I know that the ball was actually a boulder.

Hey, I managed to get a lot of things done.  Grant you, I did things in a very strange way, but I did it.

Cognitive thinking took over or should I say, cognitive thinking, what little I have of it, took a hiatus.  It didn’t want to try to keep my mind from chaotic decisions.  I would leave too if I could.  I will talk more about this at a later date.  I will also talk about how I managed to move things around with crippling pain and a weak body.  Like I said above, I don’t want to focus on pain or lack of brain material in this note to you.  Let’s just say that by the time my husband arrived home, I was a simpering puddle sitting on my chair, barely able to move.

Today I pick up the newest member of our family from the airport.  He doesn’t have any baggage and it should be fairly easy to maneuver the crazy airport in Newark.

He is to be picked up at another building other than United Airlines.  Why? He is a puppy that I purchased and he lived in Florida.  After weeks of trying to decide and research, I decided on him.  He doesn’t have a name yet but once I see him, one will come to me.

This is what I meant to write about.  But you know me.  I had to throw in all the other stuff above.