It Can Get Very Dark

I’m sitting here at 7:04 pm alone.  My husband is at work.

We want to retire, but we can’t just yet.  Medical issues thwart us at every conceivable corner and our life is no longer controlled by us but by whatever comes next after a visit to one or another Doctor’s office.

For instance.  We went to see one of my doctors the other day and came out of it knowing that I need yet another surgery.  I won’t go into the details here because there is only so much I am willing to share.  You understand.  Of course, you do.

The visit ended like the end of a board meeting.  “My people will get in touch with your people and set this up.”  My health has become a board room topic up for discussion.  I mean, there is always something going on that needs to be resolved each time we have a meeting!

How quickly things have changed and continue to change.  Even from last year, I see a dramatic change in the dynamics of our lives.  I don’t know who is CEO anymore.  I thought we were.

The onslaught of surgeries has done a number on me.  I’ve had four in just over a year and now I’m going to add another one.  I have a private surgical suite at the hospital, or at least I should.

Now?  My beautiful husband is at work and I’m here alone.  We are not happy campers but that is the way it needs to be for the moment.  He has responsibilities elsewhere as well that cannot be ignored.

What’s interesting is that my emotions are out of whack.  I think this is temporary due to being on steroids for several weeks.  I run high and then I run low.  I don’t much care for the low.  It’s very dark in there.  When I find myself in there, I scramble to get out.  I’m not one to hang around in such a place.  The important thing is to recognize when you’ve fallen off the beaten track.  If you don’t recognize that you’re off of it, then life becomes even more hazardous to travail.

Onwards and upwards!  Though I’m emotionally down quite often down and feeling blue, at my core I will beat this difficult time in my life like I always do.  The support of friends and family helps.  So all of you out there, speak up!  Comment!  Let me read or hear your encouragement.


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