This is a draft from several months ago that I just now finished.
Here, in New Jersey, the weather doesn’t know what it wants to do. Sometimes it’s a spring day. Other days it’s the heat of summer. Still yet, there are days of crisp fall. Eventually, it will remember that it’s supposed to be summer and the heat will come roaring in.
The nature of my Multiple Sclerosis is like the weather. Some days it doesn’t seem to know what sort of chaos to bring me. Other days, I coast through. Then there are the days of dreaded summer’s heat where I hide indoors. Top it off with days of deep winter where I’m in deep pain.
Most of the time before, this past year, I am simply a person with advancing MS. I’m supposed to wear a leg brace for my drop foot. Drop Foot is when I walk, my foot doesn’t completely lift off the ground as I advance forward. Therefore, my toes catch on the ground and I literally trip over my own feet. Luckily, for the most part, I’ve learned to expect this to happen and I can catch myself before I completely fall to the ground. Other times I’m not so fortunate.
I use a walker in and out of the house. I also use a cane or a wheelchair in and out of the house. Most of the time, I just don’t go out. My husband does all of the running around and he taxis me to my appointments.
I have a car that we recently purchased. About five years ago, we sold the little Volkswagon that I owned. The reason that we sold it was because I seldom drove it and my husband drove me anywhere I needed or wanted to go. This was a huge mistake.
The little bug car sitting in the driveway every day kept me sane from the feeling of isolation that would overwhelm me at times. I knew that I could always drive somewhere if I wanted to. It was the key to my freedom.
Having a car meant that I cold just drive it over to the park or anywhere my heart desired, such as to the movie theater. It comforted me.
Isolation is one of the brutal aspects of living with a disease. The more isolated you are, the more you crave the isolation, after a brief period of fighting it. With isolation can come depression.
I don’t have that type of depression…yet. I can become depressed for a day or a few hours but it’s not depression.
I have a small Fiat now. I can zoom around the neighborhood again. However, most of the time it sits in the driveway collecting dust or being there as a support system for every bird that flies over, allowing them to release their little sphincter muscle and crap all over my car.
My little Fiat. It sits there taking all sorts of crap, like inclement weather be it the snow, rain or heat. Heat that would have me turn into a puddle where my legs no longer existed.
The Fiat, however, stands sturdy on it’s four tires and it stares blankly at the wall of the house. It seems to know that it should sit there and be patient for the day when I or my husband takes pity on it and takes it out for a spin.
My take on this?
I want to be like my little Fiat!
I want to stand true and firm despite whatever is thrown my way. If I’m crapped on, or like the weather being unpredictable oftentimes, I would stand tall despite it.
I would like to think that I would be supportive to readers of this blog and send them some warmth. I would want people to know that they are not alone and that I’m here keeping them company.
Hugs to one and all.