This is no time for excuses, I think to myself. I’m back from surgery for a hernia repair, one of many. This was a particularly difficult one since it was repairing a repair of a hernia. I landed up with a swelling, called a seroma, that was the size of a football. I’m still walking around with a post surgical tube hanging out of my stomach. At the end of the tube is a small ball that collects post surgical fluid and blood. I have to empty it out every night and jot down how much was collected. This will determine when I will be finally rid of this pain in the ass, or should I say stomach.
The reason I’m complaining about excuses is that it’s so easy for me to fall into a lethargic stupor when I come up with a viable excuse to not do anything. It’s so easy to fill my days with languid perusal of magazines or online sites that have no relevance to my real life. It’s easy and it’s fun. I do manage to fix supper every night, albeit late many nights.
Today, I told myself, “this is no time for excuses.” I am hard talking myself and slapping myself around in order to snap out of my wanna be state of “oh well”. Like Scarlett O’Hara saying, “Tomorrow is another day.”
It worked! I went out into my back yard and looked at my abandoned koi pond project begun before my surgery. I decided to work on it, much to the dismay of my husband. After all, I’m still running around with a tube dangling from my stomach and a whole line of stitches that runs from my waist nearly all the way to my belly button.
Then I took a fall out by the pond. I landed up half in and half out of the pond. I found myself laying back and laughing because the pond was full of muddy water from several days of rain. I was laying in muddy water.
One half of my body argued with the other half of my body. The one half that was practical and husband-like told me,
“You have no business out here in the first place. What are you trying to do; cause yourself another injury? Get inside and clean up. If you have to do something, do it inside the house where you are safe.”
The other half of my body argued back.
“Feel the mud! I feel like a kid making a big mud pie. I’m not hurt so what’s the harm? Feel how squishy the mud is between my toes? I lost my sandal somewhere in the water. It’s not that deep anyway. It’s probably easier to dig up the dirt anyway even if the water weighs it down. I can’t tell what I’m digging because I can’t see it, but I can feel it with my feet. This is so much fun!”
After a couple of hours of “fun”, the other half of me finally won out. So both sides were now in agreement again. I dragged my muddy body with my shovel out of the hole and turned around to see what I had accomplished. I laughed when I saw that one couldn’t tell because of the water in the pond. But I knew, and with that sense of knowing, I felt proud that I did it even if my body did complain later on and into tomorrow over my aches and pains.
Multiple Sclerosis aside, this was as close to normal as I have felt in quite some time. I was stubborn, and determined to do what others might think I shouldn’t do. The world does not revolve around them, it revolved around me today.