Call Me A Jerk

Hello my dear friends,

Today and the previous two days my myoclonic jerks and/or dystonia have been acting up.  Just call me a jerk.

UnknownI’ve been so spasmodic that my husband’s face was creased with worry.  He demanded that I go back to bed.  It was a good thing to do.  I was slipping and sliding in my chair because I could not control the jerks that propelled me forward inch by inch towards the end of the chair, and eventually, I would be on the floor writhing in agony.

You see, I also have a form of Dystonia.  I forget which one my Neurologist told me, but he rattled it off on my last visit.  He said, “You know that you have?????? dystonia, don’t you?”  I was surprised.  He said, “not only do you have MS but you have a secondary disease of ??? dystonia.”  I stared at him looking dumb.  I replied finally, “Great, just great.”  I knew I had myoclonic jerks, but I didn’t know that I had a second disease.

All of what is happening to me these days is because of stress.  My quality of life is a daunting challenge and I have to fight every day for some form of normalcy.  I mean, my kind of normalcy, which we all know is also challenging.

The cause of all this stress is my upcoming surgery on Thursday.  My surgery is unrelated to Multiple Sclerosis or Dystonia.  This surgery will be attended by two Doctors and will take 3-5 hours.  I have good reason to be concerned which I won’t go into here.

slideshow_1259634_131408-clocksI have to focus on my 5-minutes at a time.  If I didn’t, I would be a mess right now.  However, the stress is still there even if you have a plastered smile on your face and I’m good at wearing a smile despite everything in my life.  Surprisingly, it works in that once you have a smile on your face, although it is “put on” in the morning, you find yourself living that smile.

My take on all this:

Stress is not always evident by your physical nature, however; it finds it way to the surface psychologically of physically in due course.  When it becomes evident to you and others by your body’s reactions to every day occurrences, then it’s time to figure out what may be causing that stress.  Once you know what it is then you can find a way to deal with it.  When you can’t find a way to deal with it, take your day in small increments and handle it that way.

I sit here hoping to hear your prayers on Thursday with a smile on my face taking my life 5 minutes at a time.  Sure, I’m still jerking around all over the place but that can’t be helped.  There is no way to take away the underlying fear of surgery.

I will happily jerk my way until Thursday at which point I will probably succumb to tears.  Meanwhile, I am as ever, a jerk.

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