It’s Too Darn Hot!

burningsunIt is so hot today, and It’s been hot all last week.  It looks like this week will be the same.  Heat is not good for people with Multiple Sclerosis, who have to deal with heat intolerance.

I copied this from the site, Brain Blogger.

“Increase in temperature worsens the symptoms of MS
Most of the symptoms of MS are due to the impaired nerve impulse conduction and with an increase in temperature the symptoms worsen in the affected people. Among the various symptoms of MS, fatigue, limb weakness, visual problems, pain and numbness and cognitive dysfunctions are commonly exacerbated when the core body temperature increases.”

I went out today to run some errands with my husband.  I had four places to go on my list. All would be very short stops since I knew precisely what I wanted.  After the second stop, I told my husband we were going to skip one place.

The air was laying down on me like a lover pressing down into me.  This lover was not giving me pleasure but a sense of wanting to throw him out of my bed.

At the second stop, I could feel my legs turn to rubber as I maneuvered my way up the curb and into the store hanging on to my cane as though it was the third leg. We do need this third leg.  Without it, it’s as though someone has taken out two of our legs instead of one. We turn into a puddle of helplessness laying on the ground while people walk around us trying to avoid getting wet.

I sit here with heavy-lidded eyes wanting to finish a project for a dear friend. Instead, I sit here trying to see the screen and wishing there weren’t two of everything, making it difficult to spell.  When I came in the door, I headed straight for the first chair I saw, and it happened to be my office chair.  The table on which my projects waits is maybe 10 feet from me but feels like it’s a mile or more away.
all dayjpgI hate what heat does to me.  I was at a garage sale last weekend, and I turned beet red so that everyone was concerned for me.  The sun turned into something ugly just beating down on me.  I felt singled out by it.  I sat down, and people ran to get me something to drink.  I didn’t have to complain about anything because my face was a dead giveaway.  I don’t like that either.  I prefer to keep my misery close to my chest.

My spin on this:
  1. I got dressed and even though I didn’t feel like doing so, I did so that I could run my errands.
  2. I ran most of my errands which provide me the ability to finish a project or two.
  3. I have the items I need to make dinner.
  4. I did it!
On the downside, there is only one item.  I’m too fricking tired to do anything with anything.
Inside of me, although you can’t tell, I’m jumping up and down and saying, “Good girl. You did everything you set out to do.  I’m proud of you.”  I say this to myself because no one is around to congratulate me.  No one understands what it took for me to do it and what it will take for me to finish what I started including making dinner.
I don’t say this to get people to say, “Oh you poor thing.  If I were there, I would congratulate you.” This is the sort of canned response I get when I complain about how difficult something is or when I speak about the lack of support I get.
I’m here to tell all of you, get over it.  Stop looking for people to give you what you need in the verbal sense.  With or without a disease, you will seldom get anyone to recognize that the little things you do, can sometimes be an enormous challenge.  Don’t expect to hear the roar of the crowd with a standing ovation.  Don’t wait to hear thundering applause and whistles of appreciation.
You do it for you.  That’s what matters.  That’s how you love you and when you do love you, you are willing to do an encore presentation.
For now!  I tell the crowd, (if there was a crowd in my life), “Get the frick away from me!”
I have just now kicked the sun out of my bed so that I can breathe again.

 

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