I Am No Dragon Slayer

dragonI bet you’ve been wondering where I’ve been.  Well–I’ve been at the hospital trying to slay dragons.  Unfortunately, the dragons have temporarily chased me away with their fire.  However, I have restorative powers of my own.  They are not available at the moment.  I know they are there and I will call them forth when I really truly need them. This problem has nothing to do with Multiple Sclerosis.  It has an impact on the symptoms only.

I have been on the receiving end of a Doctor who is now no longer a Doctor.  He took me and made me no longer me as well.  This Doctor operated on me four times for hernia repairs.  You know, those things that bulge out of your tummy.  It seems that at least one of those times, there was a partial strangulation of bowel.  At least he was smart enough to send me for an MRI which told him what to look for.  He did not send me for tests on the other three.

I knew that I had a hernia once.  I was not made to know, by my tummy, that there were other things hanging out to chit-chat because they were worried about getting strangled.  I would hang out too.  He discovered these hernias on followup visits from the last hernia repair.  I became paranoid about seeing this Doctor.  Come on already!  These were followup visits!  This means they were six weeks after surgery!  Before I knew it, I was scheduled for yet another surgery.

This past year, I learned from one Doctor that my surgical Doctor had his license revoked. The Doctor who told me this told me to look it up.  I did.  To my utter amazement, I found out that my Doctor had been in rehab for an addiction to coke.  The hospital knew about it and felt that as long as he was in rehab, they had nothing to worry about.  Little did they know that he was writing prescriptions for drugs to people who then sold those drugs, pill by pill, at a much higher price than the entire bottle cost.  This was in part, how my Doctor traded his prescriptions for coke.  There were other things he did but I won’t go into it here.

I started to think about it and wondered if I actually had those hernias.  I was told that I could sue.  I’m not a suing sort of person so I waited.  Then I started having trouble with a hernia that was in the exact location of the hernia that I had before.  The one I knew I had. Come to find out, he never took care of it.

The story goes on and on.  He had his demons to slay.  What a waste.  He was the head of the surgical department at this hospital and now look at him.  It’s a shame really.  I’m looking at it from both sides.

For those with us with Multiple Sclerosis, my neurologist told me that it takes 6 to 8 months before you return to presurgical state.  Surgery aggravates the symptoms and relapses you into hard-core MS state from which you gradually recover.  I was getting surgery after surgery and now guess what?   I need another surgery to repair what he didn’t but this time, I must have a second surgeon involved because the hernia is so large that it distends my stomach on the side right underneath my right breast.  It looks like I have a third breast!

I recant what I said in the first paragraph where I said it has nothing to do with Multiple Sclerosis.  It does.  It impacts it.  Misery hangs over me like a cloud at times.  It is one thing or another that has made these last few years so difficult.

My Take On This:

I know that  people often wonder,  how bad could all this be?  Look at her.  She is always smiling.  

This is true.  I do smile.  Why?  A smile is curative.  Laughter is even better.  What is the point in going around picking up a shovel to dig a hole where I can place one foot in it in preparation for death?  I don’t want to die yet.  I still have a lot to do, places to go, people to see, fences to mend, and lots of joy and laughter to share.

I don’t want to be remembered where people say, “Well she’s in heaven now.  All her pain has ended.”  No that’s not for me.  I want to be remembered as someone who kept on living the life she was given instead of the life she longed to have.

I also feel that by example, I leave a message behind.  That life is worth the effort it takes to have a good one.  I also feel that I was given this life to teach others how to handle a difficult life not only with having the disease of MS and Dystonia, but in dealing with the additional problems that crop up on the way to heaven, or at least to a peaceful and needed rest.

dragon2My take on this is despite the dragons that come my way who brutally attack me, yes; I may succumb for awhile due to lack of strength but not because of lack of fortitude.  I am a fighter and I also believe that these things have something to teach me.  I learn from this and that.  I am no dragon slayer, but I am a fire-breathing dragon survivor.




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