About Choices

cupcakeIt’s birthday time!  Two of my grown children have birthdays this month.  Although they are years apart, their birthdays fall just two days apart.  I love my children, however there is a part of me that is resentful of complete lack of communication with me.  Then when they do, I wonder when they will get to the point of what they want or need from me.

Isn’t this terrible of me?  No, not really now that I think about it. They have trained me well.  On the other hand, I have trained them well.

What is it about boys or at least my boys, who make choices based on their own needs and not on others?  Where have I gone wrong?  There is an excuse for one, but there isn’t one for the other. Then again, it is all about choices, so there isn’t an excuse for either of them.

No, I refuse to give them their sex as an excuse.  I know of loving sons to their mothers.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying they don’t love me, but they are not loving towards me, at least not very often.  Yet, when we do get together and talk, it’s a wonderful conversation on both ends of the telephone wires.  We can’t get enough of each other and the conversation lasts for a long time.  It’s difficult to say good bye.  “You hang up.”

“No, you hang up first.”

I’m going back and forth here.  I blame them, I don’t blame them.  I blame me, I don’t blame me.  Is there any blame at all?

It’s about the givers and the takers, I think.  I’m definitely a giver.  My kids are takers, and yet–sometimes (rarely) they are givers.  I know that they are givers in their own little worlds.  In their circle of friends or family, they are definitely givers.  They are me personified.

But what about that saying, “What goes around comes around,”?  Why hasn’t it come around?  Are children the exception?

I know this is a quirky article, but I’m a bit tired.  Scratch that.  I’m very tired.  It’s been a difficult week and more difficult weeks are headed my way.  I feel like running to the grocery store to put in supplies to weather the storm that lies ahead.

Stress and Multiple Sclerosis are not good bed companions.  They are not even good commuters on the train companions.  Stress tips the balance is a different direction other than ours. Symptoms that were quiet rear their ugly heads.  You try to squelch them but even if I stood upside down in a yoga position day in and day out, ugly symptoms will just push me over until I fall flat on my face from that position.

I was a nonbeliever that stress could impact illness.  Time after time, I’ve been proven wrong.  Even good stress is bad stress for people with MS (Multiple Sclerosis).  Planning happy events is stressful.  So good and bad stress all amounts to the same thing for us.  We get ill.

Now here is another thing.  First of all, we are ill.  How does one become more ill than ill?  Sick is sick right?  Nope, you can get sicker.  You go from using a cane or a walker, to having to use your wheelchair.  I’ve had to do that this week.

The kicker is this.  You have a disease that makes you unwell.  Then you get other physical problems that no one in their right mind would want and you not only have to deal with all that entails but you also have to deal with the stress of it all.  So it’s like this snowball that is rolling down a hill and getting larger by the foot.  You’re sick, then you get sick, then you get sicker because the stress of being sick and then sicker brings it up several other notches.  What a mess!

What about these boys of mine?  It’s all about choices.  No one is to blame.  Unfortunately, the choice they make right now is something they may regret later on.  I’ve already told them this but this isn’t something you can tell someone.  This is something they have to experience for themselves and of course, it’s too late.

Sigh….

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