It is after 1 a.m. Here I sit thinking and feeling exhausted, but still I sit. I am in need of a friend. Someone who is like me, has MS and doesn’t sleep well at night. It’s a well known fact that I love the night anyway.
My mind is pretty much empty. It is in a state of “I don’t know what I’m doing here.” What will I be when I grow up?
It’s ridiculous that I think this way. I mean, I am a seasoned person, to put it politely. I’ve been down a road or two. I’m not a newbie in anything I can think of.
Perhaps there is too much that I want to do but am aware of time slipping by. Actually, I think that’s a big part of the mumbo jumbo that goes on in my head.
Having Multiple Sclerosis makes you highly aware of time. In my case, I have lesions in the back of my brain, the area that controls all of your nonthinking abilities, such as breathing, blinking of eyes, heart beats, and all the other autonomic functions of your body.
Most of us die from complications of MS. In my case, it could be that I die from MS. If any of my lesions are active in the base of my brain and decides to act out, it could simply stop something from functioning in my body, like my heart beat. It’s enough to have lesions in other areas of my brain as well, as that is why I don’t function like other people.
It’s a cause and effect sort of thing. Depending on where the lesion is in your brain, affects a part of your body. So you see? For some of us it’s like having a ticking time bomb.
My Spin On This:
It’s really nothing to worry about. After all, we all have ticking time bombs in us. Many people die of heart attacks, or a vehicular incident and so forth. What’s the point of sitting around worrying about such things?
It’s true, however; those of us with a disease are very aware of passing time. Why? Because many of us lose about 10 years of a normal life span. It’s too complicated to explain right now and I feel sleep pushing my eyelids down.
Good night dear friends. I’m off to put on protection for bed wetting and to push my dog aside so I can get into bed. She thinks it’s her bed. Thank God for little dogs.