I have such an incredible headache. It pounds at the back of my head like an impatient person at my front door. I’m working very hard to keep it at bay but I feel my strength waning.
I wonder what would happen if I opened the door. Would the headache cease because the pounding at the door stopped or would something worse happen because a stranger is now inside my home?
I don’t think I care to find out, so I’ll fight until the fight is over and I come out the winner.
I think I know why this pounding is going on. I can’t sleep at night. Part of this problem is due to Multiple Sclerosis and part of it is because I love the night.
I escape into the night and I find it quiets my soul. It is a time of day where there is no sound of passing cars, no ringing phones, no appointments to get to, no meds to take and no responsibilities whatsoever except to myself. There are some in my family who feel that my love of night is irresponsible because of how it affects my days, but I continue my love affair with the man in the moon, when he shows up to keep me company.
I am a composer and I do my best work at night. I am a creative person in other areas and that is when ideas come to me. What do I care how my days go?
My days are where I have my worst nightmares. It is during this time that I have my myoclonic jerks, my narcolepsy (partly my fault), my inability to walk a straight line, the never-ending visits to Doctors, the onslaught of 38 pills in a day and the affects that they have on me, and so on and so on.
Leave me the night where the blanket of warmth covers the bodies of those I love and those I could care less about. Leave me the night where melodies role around in my head and with headphones on, the notes spill out of my fingers onto my keyboard. Leave me the night where there is no one to pretend to, the putting on of my mask where there is a painted smile on it. I wear it well.
You have your days, I dance in the night where my waking dreams have me waltzing with the man in the moon without canes or walkers and I am beautiful in body.
Multiple Sclerosis and various other maladies struggle with me to take over my body during the day. At night, I am a fierce warrior and take control with ease and I am who I am without the interference of well-meaning people who tell me I CAN’T.
I’m here to tell you I CAN.