MS Life

I woke up with my brains banging against the side of my skull.  Ugh.  I hate it when I wake up with a pounding headache.  I played a couple of games and it doesn’t look like it’s going to be a good cognitive day, so I’ll do physical things instead.

My youngest son is coming home for Christmas and will arrive on Wednesday.  He’s never been to this house.  He left just before we purchased it, so it’s been three years since he’s been home.  We’re proud of him trying to make a living out in Minnesota, but we know he is struggling.  Christmas will give us an opportunity to help him out because he would never come right out and ask us for help.

My other two children who are older, are busy with their lives and unfortunately doesn’t include me.  It’s a long story but I’m out of their loop.  I have grandchildren that I’ve met a couple of times when they were little, but now they’re practically in their teens.  I don’t even have pictures of them. 

The holidays are a struggle for me not only because of separation of family between my children and I, but because of my own upbringing in an orphanage in Chicago.  I had parents who left each other and left us with the youngest of four girls only three months old.  My oldest sister later died of a brain tumor and I was left as the oldest of the other two.  But like I said, this is another story and in fact, another book, perhaps even longer than a book!  It’s very complicated as most family situations are.  So Christmas is a huge downer around here.

Does it impact my MS?  I don’t really know.  How can you tell the difference between the emotional stress and the physical stress?  At this point in my MS, I don’t think my last relapse ever left.  There is no longer a distinction between good periods and bad periods.  It is now good days and bad days, and take that to good hours and bad hours.

Maybe this headache is making me feel down today.  I’ve barely been up several hours and it 8:00 a.m., and I already feel down.  So I need to do something about this, but at the moment, I’m not sure what.  So I came here to you to talk about it.  This is not the intention of this site, don’t get me wrong.  I want this site to make you feel enabled and enlightened by the real experiences of the day-to-day life of a person with MS.  However, you also need to see how down I can get in order to see how I lift myself up.  So maybe by the end of the day, I may come back with a whole new attitude.  Maybe. 

There are times, I have to admit, that my mantra does little to help me.  These are the times where all I want to do is crawl back into bed and hide.  The one thing I’m proud of doing is that I seldom do this.  I stay up and deal with it.  That in and of itself is a good thing.  I’m afraid that if I give in to it and crawl into bed, it will be weeks before I’m able to function again.  I don’t want to lose that time.  After all, I almost lost the time given to me with my last surgery, permanently.  One never knows when it’s time to take that last step to heaven I hope.

This is just a short message to let you know that I’m feeling down and I’m not sure yet what I’ll do about it.  Hopefully later today, I will get back to you and make me and you feel better about it.  Happy Holidays.

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