MS Life

If you are new to this blog, please read from the bottom up so that it will make sense to you.  This is the latest blog, not the earliest.

 I am so sorry.  I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks now!  I have been coming unraveled in several different directions but I don’t proffer that as an excuse, so please except this as an apology.

I hope you are all doing as well as you can be.  Darn, I wish I could hear you.  Let’s see.  I need to catch you up and the only way I can do that is by reading my last post.  Be right back.

Oh yes, the last post was primarily about the good news about the Doctor who has found a possible method of helping people with MS.  I have not gone any further into checking this out.  Has anyone done this?  If they have would you please be so kind as to let us know on this site?  We would be so excited to hear about it.  I don’t have the time right now to do it.

This site is about living life with MS, how we go about our daily lives as best we can coping with the day-to-day activities as individuals under unusual duress trying to deal with the mundane activities of a very busy life.  It’s also a site about how to try and turn our emotional lives around so that we are walking around with our chins draging on the ground in front of us being run over by our wheelchairs or our walkers.  Lastly, it’s a site about my complete honesty with you about how I live my life, right or wrong, with people around me with me having MS and with them not having it.

Today I would like to talk about accountability.   Merriam Webster’s Dictionary says  : the quality or state of being accountable; especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions <public officials lacking accountability.

Hmmm.  The reason I would like to address this is because as kids would say today, “my bad”.   I recently signed up for a program.  Right at the outset we were told that the only reason this program would NOT work out for us would be for lack of accountability.  In other words, it would not work if we did not work.  If we did not accept the responsibility of homework and listening to the tapes, reading the manuals and doing the practice worksheets, it just would not sink in.  Well Ms. Ladida here, (me) did not pay any mind to that.  I did read — some.  I did listen — some, but with falling asleep every few minutes due to the drugs I’m taking, it would take me forever to get through 8 tapes and read a manual.  I decided to forge ahead.

I soon learned that this was the best way to get lost.  I was so lost.  Everyone was talking gibberish to me.  They were all talking intelligently about the programa nd I knew just the surface stuff about it.  When trying to put it into practice I kept making mistakes.  The next step was taken.  Pretending!  Pretending to know what I didn’t know.  Could I get any lower?  Here were all these kind people wanting to help all the newbies but I was in too deep.  I coudn’t admit that I hadn’t even gotten to first base yet.  The last step to take was to explain that I had a difficult time learning because of my MS.  Yes indeed.  I could go lower!  This is true, but to use it when I hadn’t even tried, this was bad. 

Today I was on the board of that site trying to figure out what to do next in order to get some help.  In reading the boards I read one guy sort of telling another person off.  He was telling him that all the answers he needed was either on the CDs, in the manual, on the site, in the support office, in the webinars, or on the boards, and most importantly, in his own hands.  In other words, accountability.  He told him, it was apparent that the guy simply had not studied and was just looking for the quick way out, the easy answer, and he told him that this was the quickest route to failure.

After reading that, I got off the board and realized that I was just as guilty as the poor slob on the board.  I had listened to the tapes and the CDs somewhat, but not to the extent that I should have.  I know that I have a cognitivie disability as one of many disabilities due to my MS.  Therefore, if I’m going to take on a responsibility such as this, I need to work doubly hard to overcompensate for this problem.  What I was doing was trying to make others work doubly hard for me.  I wanted them to do the work and make adjustments for me.  This is wrong wrong wrong.  Let me rephrase that.  WRONG WRONG WRONG. 

Just exactly who do I think I am?  Sure, I’m ill.  In fact, at the moment, I’m very ill.  But should I make others pay for it?  NO!  I am an adult who signed up for a course, so why am I sitting around expecting people to help me out doubly hard just because I have MS?  Something wrong with my way of thinking, and it’s extremely irresponsible of me.  I’m ashamed of my behavior.

So any MSers who are reading this blog please pay attention.  You and I are accountable for our responsibilities whether we are ill or not, particularly for those we sign up for after we are ill.  The ones we sign up for prior to becoming ill, maybe not so much because we don’t know how we will react to those things once we are symptomatic.  But if we sign up for something while we are ill knowing that we think we can do it, then for blogs’ sake—-DO IT!!!  Don’t lie.  Don’t play feeble minded.  Don’t pretend.  Take out the whip and crack it and get to work.

Today’s word for us is ACCOUNTABILITY.

These are comments that were posted on this blog regarding a procedure that a Dr. Zamboni has been doing.  He has connected the dots between vascular insufficiency and MS as a possible cause for MS.  His wife was the cause for his desperate search for a solution to MS.   You can read about in the paragraph below referenced by a friend of mine.

This was pointed out to me by a friend on a comment in this blog.  She was reading the blog and urged me to check out the article.  Here is her comment.  I have left out her name.

I read about a doctor who pins the MS down to blocks in the arteries in the neck, so there’s a backflow of blood to the brain, causing these symptoms.
Here is one link http://www.gizmag.com/ccsvi-multiple-sclerosis-ms-cure-zamboni/13447/ .  Please check it out, I think this is the reason for MS and it can cure and reverse. I have taken up Tai Chi with a master with 30 years experience and have been feeling better. Meanwhile I’d like you to see if Dr Zamboni can talk to you.
My love and prayers

Just recently, I received another comment on this blog regarding the same thing.  This is getting to be very exciting.  Read the following.

Hi, I just read your May 29th posting. I am not sure where you live. CCSVI has been around for a couple years now. GOOGLE or use your fave Search Engine and see if there is a clinic near you–it’s worth it!  I say to all MSers to GET TESTED-! I went to San Diego and tested with Hubbard Foundation 

So what are we all waiting for?  Perhaps we should rent a bus and get a group discount?  Unfortunately, I can’t do this right now because I have other brain issues I am contending with at the moment and I think my neurologists would have an absolute fit if I go running off to check this out.  I am most certainly going to print out the articles and present this to them though and see what they have to say.  Now that I think about it, perhaps that is the thing to do.  Print out everything you find when you Google it, and bring it in to your neurologist.  See what they say and you make  your own judgement call.  Take their advice, of course; but it’s your body, so you decide what to do.

I hope this information helps us all.

Hugs.

If you are new to this blog, please read from the bottom up so that it will make sense to you.  This is the latest blog, not the earliest.

Let’s talk about pain.  How do I handle it?  I don’t.  I’m no different than you.  I live with it, yes.  I’m intolerant of it, yes.  I hate it, but it can’t be handled.  You just have to live with it.

Lately, I’ve been in extreme pain for almost two months now.  It unrelenting and mendications make it ebb away for just a short period of time but not go away.  Then in about 20 minutes or so, it comes roaring back where I can’t do anything about it until it’s time for the next dosage of medication.  I’m happy for that little amount of relief.  I’m not sure what is going on and neither are my doctors.  I am being tested left and right at the moment and hopefully soon we will have our answer.  Until then, I suffer.

How about you?

In many of our diseases, pain walks hand-in-hand with all of our other symptoms.  After awhile it becomes ingrained into our personalities.  We become our pain or our pain becomes us.  Which are you?  I think that at times I am both.  I have a feeling it is the same with you.  At home, in our own comfort zones, we can allow ourselves the freedome to let the pain rule us, but in polite society, we rule the pain.  Yet there are a few people that I come across who surprise me who don’t adhere to this concept and pain rules their lives.  I almost envy them.  They are surly people at home or in public and don’t give a hoot what people think of them.

It’s not that I care what people think, it’s just that it’s the way I am.  But I have to tell you this.  I am suffering right now.  I can’t even think straight.  I have lost all motivation to do anything.  I am very depressed about it all.   It seems that everything that has happened over the last six months has been leading to this.

I’m keeping this short tonight.  I just wanted to touch base and tell you I’m thinking of you and praying for you.