MS Life

Hello again,

We are having a party for our 25th anniversary.  I just printed up a flyer invitation and opened it up to anyone who cares to join us.  Neither one of us has family in the area and so I decided I would make my own family.  If I didn’t decide on a party, it would just be another ‘Ho Hum” sort of day, and I don’t want this.  Together, we are a pretty boring couple.  Apart, I’m sure that he leads a much more intersting and intriguing life than he does in our house, just like I do from my house out in cyberspace.  That’s the way it goes after 25 years I guess, at least with us.  It’s good though, and it works because neither one of us is trying to change the other and never have.  I really can’t recall more than a handful of full blown arguments between us in 25 years and that’s saying a lot.

Ok, alright, you caught me!  I did get my hair done but I haven’t made the appointment with my psychiatrist.  Shame on me.  I’m still procrastinating.  I’ve just had a lot of other things on my mind.  Too many in fact, and you know what?  I really don’t know which one is taking up most of my time.  I sort of flit about from one thing to another all day long.  I stop and plan on doing one thing, get distracted; and land up doing something else.  Then if I get distracted yet again, I drop what I was doing and start something else.  By the end of the day, I have to pull it all together so that I can make a mess of things tomorrow.  That’s part of depression as I understand it.  It is the inability to concentrate or stay focused on one thing.  We all know that depression is a major symptom of MS.

I’m still having a battle with my Motif XS.  That’s the piano or synthesizer I told you about that I received as a Christmas gift.  The one I would look at in catalogs and drool all over the magazine just staring at it.  You know the saying, “Be careful what you wish for?”  Well now I know what they mean.  I really think I would be happier just going back to my dinky old keyboard.  I don’t know how to get the thing working right and I’ve bought books, watched videos, downloaded articles, gone through every internet site and still can’t get it right.  The logical conclusion from all this research is that it must be me.  I hate that!  I don’t want it to be me.  I have done all this work and still can’t get the job done, what other conclusion can there be?  The only thing that comforts me is that there are a tremendous amount of forums all dealing with the issues I have with setting this instrument up.  So it probably is difficult to get it right. 

I have so much to do before Sunday, the party day.  I planned on doing a lot of it today, then didn’t do a thing.  Instead, I worked on the Motif.  Did I get anywhere with it?  Teeny steps closer.  So now I have to make up for what I didn’t do today tomorrow, that is if I don’t get distracted again.  Where is the energy going to come from to get these things done?

I’ll have to start with making a list and then scratching things off as I do them.  That should help.

I’m torn about having this party.  It was my idea and yet I don’t really want to have one.  It’s too late now to change my mind because people have already accepted their invites.  I think I drove my husband a bit crazy with telling him, I wanted to have one, and then telling him, I didn’t.  Back and forth I went several times over.  After I made the decision to do it and made the flyers, I became utterly despondent over it.  It’s the idea of all the work involved in putting it together without much help.  I wish someone else had thrown a party for us.

I’ll live.

Need to get a party frock.  More like a party jeans and shirt.  I will squeeze that in somewhere.  More than likely I’ll just grab something out of the closet.  I feel a bit like I’m wandering about in here.  Am I?  Maybe it just feels that way.  Perhaps I should just go and tend to the dinner in the oven.  Yes.  I think I’ll do that for now. 

I’ll talk to you all later.